


Lost Tracks of Thedas

by SomeLocalCryptid



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - it's a musical now, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Idk what i'm doing, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, Song: Anaconda (Nicky Minaj), Song: Call Me Maybe (Carly Rae Jepsen), Song: I Kissed a Girl (Katy Perry), Songs, it's just silly fun, no love triangle we polyship like adults, probably a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-01-29 00:02:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21400834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLocalCryptid/pseuds/SomeLocalCryptid
Summary: more like Dragon Age: The MusicalIt's a beautiful day in Kirkwall and Hawke meets people. And sings about that. Everybody sings.( I really don't know where I'm going with that I just like to have fun with lyrics. So far it's canon compliant except it's a modern day settings. But there's still magic, elves, qunaris and all the fun stuffs. Updates will be very random.)
Relationships: Anders/Fenris/Male Hawke, Anders/Male Hawke, Fenris/Male Hawke
Kudos: 2





	1. Please don't kill me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke just met Fenris so he sings about that. Yes, they absolutely are in the middle of a fight. 
> 
> Based on: Call me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

I just arrived in Kirkwall  
Trying to meet some new palls  
I noticed you 'cause you're small  
Yet killed that guy right away  
I'd sell my soul for a wish  
THAT'S AN EXPRESSION OH SHIT  
I WON'T ACTUALLY DO THIS  
Please put that sword away

Your stare was holding  
Ripped jeans, skin was glowing  
I swear I'm not bullshiting  
I just think you're very sexy?

Hey, I just met you  
And this is crazy  
I know you hate mages  
But please don't kill me!  
It's hard to look right  
At you baby  
Your tatts are glowing  
When you get angry

Hey, I just want you  
To please fight with me?  
I'm not a blood mage  
And I hate slavery  
And all the templar boys  
Try to chase me  
But I'm just a guy  
Who wants to be free

You fight so good yet you're small  
You have a thing for big swords  
I have a thing for you all  
Just take my heart away  
I beg and borrow and steal  
Try not to die or be killed  
I just arrived that's a bliss  
Please be my friend, Fenris?

Cool elf is fighting  
Deep voice, perfect timing  
Hot night, swords were swinging  
How you ripped his heart was sexy?!!

Hey, I just met you  
And this is crazy  
I know you hate mages  
But please don't kill me!  
I wanna help you  
With your backstory  
I'll give you a hug  
So please don't kill me!

Hey, I just want you  
To please fight with me?  
I'm not a blood mage  
And I hate slavery  
And all the templar boys  
Try to chase me  
But I'm just a guy  
Who wants to be free

Before I came into Kirkwall  
I was just so sad  
I’m an apostate  
And that’s just so so sad  
Before I came into Kirkwall  
I was just so sad  
because of the Blight  
I was just so so sad

It's hard to just like  
Look all happy  
My sister is dead  
And the Chantry hate me  
And all the templar boys  
Try to chase me  
But I just want to  
Protect my family

Hey, I just met you  
And your backstory  
I think we could bond  
So call me maybe

Now that I am into Kirkwall  
I am still so sad  
I think you know that  
I think we could relate

Now that I am into Kirkwall  
I think I’m not bad  
And you should know that

So call me maybe ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might upload the chapters out of order, I'm sorry... I hope you'll still enjoy the read!
> 
> (I'm not a native english speaker so there might be english mistakes, please let me know if you spot some! I'm trying my best to improve!)


	2. I kissed a mage and I liked it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke meets Anders one night at the Hanged Man and sings about that. 
> 
> Based on: I kissed a girl and I liked it - Katy Perry

This was never the way I planned  
Not my intention  
I got so lost here in Kirkwall  
Lost destination  
It’s not what I’m used to  
Night at the Hanged Man  
I’m curious for you  
Caught my attention

I kissed a mage and I liked it  
All scratchy beard and dry lips  
I kissed a mage just to try it  
Hope these templars don’t see it  
It feels so wrong it feels so right  
Let’s do some magic trick tonight  
I kissed a mage and I liked it  
I liked it !

No I don’t even know your name  
It doesn’t matter  
I’ve followed you into your bed  
We’re in the sewer  
It’s not like, templar-proof  
Just, how’re you still alive ?!  
My head gets so confused  
Come to my place instead ! 

I kissed a mage and I liked it  
All scratchy beard and dry lips  
I kissed a mage just to try it  
Hope these templars don’t see it  
It feels so wrong it feels so right  
Let’s do some magic trick tonight  
I kissed a mage and I liked it  
I liked it !

Us mages we are so magical  
Nice staff nice ass, scent of lyrium  
Hard to resist so cursable  
To good to  
Blood magic  
Hey no big deal it’s innocent ! 

I kissed a mage and I liked it  
And the Chantry just hate it  
I kissed a mage just to try it  
Let’s try some new magic tricks  
It feels so wrong it feels so right  
My bother’ll kill me tonight  
I kissed a mage and I liked it  
I liked it !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we go. I hope you'll have as much fun reading this mess than I had fun writing it! 
> 
> Also I'm not a native english speaker so sorry if there's mistakes! (feel free to let me know so I can fix them!) I'm doing my best and trying to improve :)


	3. My editor gal don't want none unless you got plot, Hawke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric Tethras has joined the party! He's here to sing about the publishing world and Hawke's adventures. 
> 
> Based on: Anaconda - Nicky Minaj

My editor gal don't-

My editor gal don't-

My editor gal don't want none unless you got good plot!

Big buff mage apostate in Kirkwall

Lill bro liking fights, little sister got death

Mom was in love with a mage, threw away an estate

But now the Blight claimed Ferelden, she comes back for the Amell.

Now that's Hawke Hawke Hawke..

Try to hurt him you'll got some electric shock

Who wanna go first? He has some magic in stock

Me and Bianca we're just here taking good notes

Here goes my new book:

O-o-on our way, to success

The Deep Roads aren't a fortress

We got maps from ex-Warden Anders

My brother got the chills when he thinks about the wealth

I can't believe this is real he betrayed me on a whim

Saw that lyrium thing and got mad as soon as it got grabbed

So he trapped us in the place, had to fight our way outside like

Punch punch punch punch punch...

My editor gal don't-

My editor gal don't-

My editor gal don't want none unless you got good plot!

Oh, my gosh... Check that one shot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was checking the lyrics of the actual song I discovered it was using samples from another music (baby got back) from a guy named.... Sir Mix-a-Lot.....
> 
> So in this AU Anders' cat now has a music carreer. He's a DJ and scratches with his little paws. You can't stop me.


End file.
